Spin
by chasinglaughter
Summary: When the world was spinning, James Potter was my anchor. He kept me steady and sane and alive. He became my reason to keep on fighting, my reason to keep on living. If it weren't for him... I don't know where I would be right now.
1. Prologue

_**A/N: My new pen name is Chasing Laughter. Please see my profile for more details. :D** _

_As promised, my new fanfic: Spin. Title is from the song of the same name by Lighthouse. :)_

**-&-**

The summer before seventh year was when I truly understood that there was a war.

In all my six years before in the wizarding world, I had known that there was a fight between the good and the bad, between the pro-Muggleborn versus the pro-blood purification, between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. But Albus Dumbledore had always kept us protected, unaware of the events unfolding outside the safety of Hogwarts.

But that summer, not even the only one he ever feared could keep us safe from the horrors and chaos that erupted.

Before the war even started, seventh year was a year you could never forget, if only because it was when you left your home of several years and entered the world of the adults.

When I entered seventh year, graduation was pushed to the back of our minds as Lord Voldemort and his followers terrorized the wizarding world. That year, it became far more than a small article wedged in between a story about the Chudley Cannons and an advertisement for Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. It became far more than just something the Slytherins dropped hints about but never explained. It became far more than a secret the professors whispered about when we couldn't hear them.

That year, it became _real_.

The summer of 1977 brought with it a series of brutal, vicious attacks on Muggles, Muggleborn, half-bloods, and liberal purebloods that shocked the wizarding world from denial of what was right in front of their eyes. Hundreds of people were killed, many of them relatives of Hogwarts students. Suddenly, everyone was traveling in groups. Curfews were established. Parents were locking their children inside their homes.

And we, the seventh years who were supposed to be enjoying our last year in school, were propelled into a world full of violence, destruction and war.

In those days of darkness and despair, of all the people who stuck by me and gave me strength to continue fighting, one stands out. He was, and still is, my lighthouse – my hope, my light, the reason why I fought on the front lines on battle. He inspired me and challenged me to be a ray of light for others like he was for me – to give hope to everyone suffering in the war.

I never expected that he, of all people, would come to mean so much to me. Over our years at Hogwarts, I had watched him grow from an awkward, skinny boy with wild black hair to an arrogant, overconfident Quidditch hero, to the brave, determined man he had become. In less than a year, James Potter had become my everything – my confidante, my shoulder to cry on, my personal cheerleader, my hero, my best friend, and eventually, my soulmate – my forever.

I still have no idea how this happened. I have no idea why I was so lucky to have James when, around me, people were getting tortured and killed every day. I have no idea why, in the midst of insecurity and instability, I had a constant – the only thing I was sure of in this world.

When the world was spinning, so suddenly, so quickly, so erratically, James Potter was my anchor. He kept me steady and sane and _alive_ when on some days, I just wanted to curl up and die and leave it all behind. He became my reason to keep on fighting, my reason to keep on _living_. If it weren't for him… I don't know where I would be right now.

**-&-**

_**A/N:** __I hope you enjoy, and please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts, positive or negative. :D  
_


	2. Un

_**A/N: **Chapter One. Enjoy! :)_

**-&-**

Ever since my parents died in a car crash in my sixth year, I had been living with my older sister, Petunia. She was getting married to a man named Vernon Dursley, who, in my opinion, rather resembled a walrus. I disliked him – he was a boring, ill-tempered person. She, however, said that he made her happy; and who was I to stop her from marrying a man she loved, especially in this time of fear and sadness?

When Petunia went to Majorca with Vernon and his family, I had asked if I could spend the last week of the summer holidays in Diagon Alley. It simply did not seem right to lie on a beach in Spain while in England, many of my classmates were grieving the loss of their relatives. Petunia was quite happy to leave me behind. I had a feeling that had my parents not stated in their will that she was to be my guardian, she would have kicked me out on the streets after they died. As soon as she left for the airport, I had Disapparated to the Leaky Cauldron.

A few days later, I was wandering the streets of Diagon Alley in the late afternoon, not really interested in buying anything. I was looking for any familiar faces in the small groups that hurried past me. The long, cobbled street, which I had always remembered as crammed with shoppers, was almost empty. There were no more mothers stopping to gossip outside of the stores as their children explored Diagon Alley. Instead, the mothers were hurrying, rushing their children to buy their school supplies quickly. It was unnerving. As I passed by Quality Quidditch Supplies, I half expected to see a gaggle of my schoolmates admiring the latest broom model that had come out. Instead, I saw the shopkeeper, an elderly wizard with a kind smile, shaking his head at the emptiness of his store.

I sighed as I entered Leaky Cauldron. The pub, which was usually bursting with people, was empty save for a group of Hogwarts students. I walked towards them hesitantly, trying to see if I knew them, when one of them raised their head and caught my eye.

"Lily!"

"Alice!" I cried, moving to hug her, but stopping. I remembered the brochures the Ministry had sent over the summer, warning us about imposters and Polyjuice Potion.

She stopped as well. "Lily… I hope you don't mind, but I have to make sure you're really you."

I nodded.

"What 's your comfort food?"

"Bouillabaisse."

I smiled slightly as Alice made a face. She had never enjoyed the taste of the French delicacy.

"My turn," I said quietly. "What did you want to be when you were six years old?"

She laughed. "A lion tamer."

I moved forward and hugged her tightly, glad to see her for the first time since school had ended. Inwardly, I was thinking to myself, _How could Voldemort make us so afraid of him that we become suspicious of our loved ones?_

"It's so good to see you," she said, pulling away from my embrace. "I'm so sorry I haven't written, but you know how it is – this summer's just been so crazy, and, well, owls aren't safe anymore."

"Nothing's safe anymore."

This statement had come from one of the other students at Alice's table, a boy – no, a man – I recognized almost immediately. James Potter.

He smiled wanly at me. "Hullo, Lily."

I was surprised at the James Potter I saw before me. At the end of sixth year, we had parted on civil terms, him having matured slightly and I having begun to tolerate and even appreciate some of the stunts he pulled. When I last saw him, he was his usual lively, charming self, albeit not as arrogant as he was before. Now, sitting in the dark pub, he seemed to be a mere shadow of what he was when school ended. His untidy mop of black hair was as messy as ever, but his hazel eyes were somewhat dull, and his usually open, grinning face was grim. Just a few months before, he exuded life and love and hope. Now, everything about him suggested a man who had matured far too early. This was not the James Potter I knew.

"Hullo, James."

James stood and pulled a chair from another table in order to make room for me. I sat down hesitantly, my eyes sweeping over the others at the table.

Of course, if James was there, so were his fellow Marauders. Alice's boyfriend, Frank Longbottom, who had just graduated and was training to be an Auror, was also there along with Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes, who were both Ravenclaws in my year.

As I greeted them all with a faint smile, Tom, the bartender of the Leaky Cauldron, approached our table.

"Good to see you, Miss Evans," he said, grinning at me toothily. "Can I get you something to drink?"

I hesitated. "Firewhiskey, please."

He nodded and collected the glasses of my companions for refills. As soon as he left, Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"Firewhiskey, Evans?"

"I need something strong."

"Ain't that the truth," Marlene said, gazing out of the window. "This summer's just been…"

She trailed off, and we all nodded solemnly. There were no words to describe what that summer had been.

Dorcas asked me how my summer was. I shrugged.

"It was alright, given the circumstances."

"Lucky you."

I remained silent as the full meaning behind that statement sunk it. I was indeed lucky. I hadn't died, nor had anyone close to me. At Dorcas' bitter tone, I knew that the same couldn't be said about her.

"Her older brother was killed," James whispered to me. "He was a Squib, worked in a Muggle record store. Those Death Eater bastards attacked the village where he lived, tortured him to death with that damned Unforgivable."

I touched his arm lightly, numb. I was much too used to reading about vicious attacks in the Daily Prophet to feel any shock at this news. Instead, I felt determination. Determination to fight my way through the war, through the gloom that had settled over all of us.

It was then that I understood what had changed James Potter so much. His arrogance, his cheerfulness, had given way to a grim determination to make it through alive, or to put up a damn good fight trying.

It was what we were all trying to do.

**-&-**

_**A/N**_: _So what do you guys think? Please review, PM or email me -- I'd love to hear your thoughts. :) I won't be able to post the next four chapters yet. They still need some editing. They should be up tomorrow or the day after. :)_


	3. Deux

_**A/N: **Thank you to MissJoline & James n Lily r in LOVE for reviewing! Thank you also to all those who put Spin on their Story Alert or put it in their Favorites! Although I wish you'd leave a review. :D So here's Chapter 2, as promised. Warning: There are a lot of run-on sentences here. I've done my best to fix them, but I'm pretty sure they're still there. _

**-&-**

The day before we went back to Hogwarts, Death Eaters had murdered a family of six. Apparently, the mother was a Pureblood who married a Muggleborn. She was found lying on the kitchen floor, her body mutilated, with the words _blood traitor_ written beside her with her blood.

Marlene's family had fled to America. She had refused to join them. Her words echoed in my mind.

"Leaving England isn't going to make the war go away. If I leave for America, it's like letting him win. I'm going to stay here and fight for what I believe in."

Alice's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself, Lily?"

I smiled up at her from my bed in our shared room at the Leaky Cauldron. "Don't worry about me, Alice. I'll be fine."

She bit her lip. "I'd feel much better if you just stayed in the pub. It's so dangerous to go out when it's dark, especially for you."

"You know how important this is to me."

She sighed. "Alright. Just make sure you're in as soon as it's over."

"Yes, mum," I said, trying to make light of the situation.

She shot me one more worried glance and hugged me goodbye before going out of the room to meet Frank for their date. I got up as well, running my hands through my hair and throwing on a jumper before walking out of our room.

I waved at Tom before walking to the wall at the back and tapping the bricks. Lost in thoughts about what Marlene had said again, I barely noticed that I had reached Gringotts. Sitting down on the highest marble step, I stared thoughtfully at the empty street in front of me, waiting for the sunset.

I felt someone sit beside me but I was unperturbed. If he or she had wanted to kill me, he would have done so already, instead of sitting beside me. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees, still thinking about Marlene's statement.

When the sun began setting a few minutes later, streaks of red, orange, purple and blue all mixing and melting against each other in a brilliant display that filled the sky, the person to my right still had not spoken. Neither had I. Instead, I watched the sunset, the symbol of hope I had created for myself. Finally, the last shades of purple had disappeared and the sky was black, save for a few stars that twinkled merrily. I looked at the person who had joined me as I watched the sunset for the last time before I left for Hogwarts.

It was James Potter.

He looked at me curiously, as if trying to figure me out. The wind ruffled his hair, flattening it against his head and making it even messier than before. He stood up and extended a hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me up. Still not speaking, we walked back to the Leaky Cauldron.

I broke the silence. "Sunsets remind me of hope."

"How so?"

"I dunno, really – they seem to tell me that just because it's starting to become dark, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. They're color, and light, and… and beauty so breath-taking that it seems impossible that it's going to be dark in just a few moments. They're like the sun's way of saying that it'll be back in the morning, if that makes sense."

He cocked his head to the side. "I understand," he told me slowly. "I never thought about it that way. To tell you the truth, I've never really appreciated a sunset properly before today." He smiled at me. It was a genuine smile that made his hazel eyes sparkle again for a moment.

"I've always thought they were beautiful, even when I was a little girl. When my parents died, sunsets just became my symbol of hope."

I wasn't quite sure why I was sharing this with him, of all people. Although we had been civil with each other ever since the middle of sixth year – I might have even called him a friend – I never thought that I would share something as personal as this with James Potter.

"It must have been hard for you," he said quietly.

"It was, at first." I looked up to find him looking at me with an emotion I couldn't quite understand in his eyes. "I couldn't believe that they were gone. Petunia wasn't making things any easier."

I could tell that he didn't quite understand that bit about my sister, but I continued.

"Then I realized that I was just glad that it was a car crash that killed them. I was jealous of them, even. They weren't tortured by Voldemort. They didn't have to live in fear, constantly looking over their shoulders; afraid that, out of the blue, Death Eaters would come up and murder them."

James said nothing, simply looked at me in that curious way again.

We walked into the Leaky Cauldron, and he bought Firewhiskey. Sitting down at a corner table, we fell into silence again.

I took a sip of my drink, and I relished the thrills that went up and down my spine; the fire in my throat, the warmth in the pit of my stomach. It reminded me that I was alive.

"I've been thinking about what Marlene said," I told him. "And I thought, what if I was given the chance to go back in time, back to when I first received my letter to Hogwarts? If I knew back then that seven years later, I'd be in the middle of a war, would I have gone to Hogwarts? Or would I have refused and stayed in the Muggle world, not a part of what was going on here in the wizarding one?"

"What would you have done?" He asked, leaning forward.

"I still would have gone to Hogwarts."

I took another sip of Firewhiskey. "No matter how crazy or stupid it sounds, I would've done the exact same thing. If I didn't, I would have spent the rest of my life missing something important, something that was a really big part of me. Aside from that, though, I would rather be on the front lines of the battlefield, ready and willing and able to defend myself than living in ignorance and safety, knowing that somewhere out there, hundreds of innocent people were being killed."

"Like Marlene said," he observed quietly. "We have to fight for what's right, because if we hide like cowards, it's just like letting him win."

We sat there in silence, both of us wondering the same thing: Would Voldemort win either way?

**-&-**

**_A/N:_**_ I hope you liked it! **Please review!**_

_Next update will be tonight -- I'm about to watch 17 Again with my friends. :D_


	4. Trois

_**A/N**: Here it is_, _as promised! I hope you all enjoy, and please, please review? Even to tell me that you hate it, as long as you say why. Next update... Maybe not til after the weekend. :)_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own a pack of Glow Sticks. :D

**-&-**

September First of 1997.

A day I will never forget, for as long as I live.

I hurried into Platform 9 and ¾ with Alice, Marlene, Dorcas, Frank, and the Marauders. The platform was a blur of noise and colour. We made our way through the crowds blindly, trying to see through the thick smoke that filled the station. Someone grabbed my hand, and I stiffened, immediately reaching for my wand.

"It's only me, Lily."

James. I relaxed, tucking my wand back into my pocket.

"We should get our things into the Head's Compartment," I heard him say as he lifted my trunk onto the Hogwarts Express. "Then make sure that everyone gets on the train safely."

We dragged our trunks to the Head's Compartment, which had couches and a writing desk. I looked longingly at the couch, tired and sleepy. James chuckled when he saw my face.

"As soon as we finish the Prefect's meeting, you can sleep."

I nodded, and wordlessly, we stepped off the train. We wandered around the platform, helping first years get settled in and breaking up a few fights here and there. The atmosphere seemed different from all the other times I'd been at the platform. The first years were hugging their parents, crying, when in earlier years, they were laughing and running around, excited to be leaving for Hogwarts. The upperclassmen, like always, were promising to write to their parents – except this time they actually meant it. Parents looked more worried than usual.

I scanned the platform, looking for my friend, Mary McDonald, before remembering that her parents had stopped her from attending Hogwarts for her sixth year. The war had caused many parents to pull their children out of school. Alice thought it was silly – after all, what safer place is there than Hogwarts, especially with Albus Dumbledore as Headmaster? But I understood. It was only natural to want to keep your family together. At least you knew they were safe.

The warning whistle blew, and James helped me on to the train. Swarms of parents rushed up to the windows, waving goodbye. Many of them were crying. For some, it would be the last time they saw their children. We waited for the doors to close and the train to start moving before we walked to the Prefect's Compartment.

"Where are your parents?"

"They're on a business trip in France. They would have rescheduled so that they could see Sirius and I off, but we convinced them not to."

"Oh. You – "

A loud explosion interrupted my question, and I had to grab James' arm as the train shook. Screams erupted from the compartments. James and I pulled our wands out quickly.

"What the fuck was that?"

I let go of him and hurried towards a window. His hand encircled my wrist, pulling me back. I turned on him, glaring. "James, I really need to see what's going on – "

I was knocked to the ground as jets of red and green light rushed inside the train. I opened my eyes to see James' face over mine. Even though we were in the middle of an attack, my stomach flopped at our closeness.

"Ambush," he panted, rolling off of me.

"Death Eaters?"

His face was grim. "Who else?"

I got on my hands and knees. "We have to get to the prefects and have them spread out along the train."

James and I crawled along the corridor, shouting for everyone to get down and cast Shield Charms as the jets of light continued coming. We were nearing the Prefects Compartment when the compartment to our left opened and Sirius and Peter exited, also on all fours.

"Prongs! "

"We're being attacked! I need you two to go around the train and make sure everyone's safe." He ducked as a streak of green light rushed over his head. "_Bloody hell _ - Lily and I will send out the prefects. Go!"

James and I continued down the train, barely dodging the curses sent inside. I pushed open the door of the Prefects Compartment to find the prefects crouched down on the floor. They had taken up stations by the windows, firing spells out of them at the attackers. I watched as Remus dove to the floor, narrowly missing a spell. Two sixth year Hufflepuffs worked side by side, one Shielding and the other Stunning.

I felt a surge of pride. These were the people James and I would be leading.

"Everyone, go around the train! Rally whoever's old enough to help – cast Shield Charms, fight back!"

The prefects scrambled out the door, heads low to avoid the spells. The new fifth year prefects looked terrified, and I couldn't blame them. When they received the badge, they'd only expected their first duty as prefects to be patrolling around the Hogwarts Express. And now they were thrust into the middle of battle, charged with protecting other students.

James had turned to follow them. I tugged at his wrist, the way he had done to me earlier. "We need to contact Dumbledore or the Ministry! We can't fight them off alone!"

"I'm sure the Aurors learned of the ambush by now," he said.

"Then they would have gotten here already!"

He nodded, shut his eyes for a brief moment and pointed his wand at the window. "_Expecto Patronum_!" I watched in disbelief as a silvery stag emerged from the tip of his wand and leapt off the train.

"Dumbledore will send help," he said, pushing me out of the compartment. "I'll explain later. Now, we need to fight."

I looked at him, adrenaline rushing through my veins. I was scared. We outnumbered the Death Eaters, but they obviously had more experience and skill. They knew Dark Magic, for Merlin's sake. It was inevitable that a few students would, at the very least, get seriously hurt. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

With that, we stepped out of the compartment into the throngs of the first of the many battles we would fight in.

**-&-**

**_A/N: _**_I hope you liked it! __Any mistakes are mine. Is anyone willing to **Beta** for me? Also, if you've come across any good fics, I could use some fanfic recommendations. Please **review!**_**  
**


	5. Quatre

**A/N: I'm sorry for the _very_ slow update time. I actually wrote this a few months ago, but I haven't finished Chapter 6 yet, so I was kind of rationing this... Yeah. Sorry about that. Here's Chapter 4.**

**A big thank you to MissJoline, who did an awesome job of Betaing this! :D**

**-&-**

Crouching in order to dodge the streaks of light still soaring above our heads, we ran down the train, entering compartments along the way, helping the students, and instructing them to run for the nearest compartment if they needed help.

We were near the end of the train when I pulled open a door to see a group of first years huddled together in the corner of the compartment. James quickly followed me in and hurried to the window, firing spells out as I rushed over towards the first years.

"Is anyone hurt?" I asked them.

One of them, a chubby girl with blonde pigtails, pointed to a small boy lying on the floor.

"When we heard the explosion, he went to the windows to see what was happening," she told me, crying. "And then a light hit him."

I reached for his wrist, checking the pulse; it was faint, but steady. "He's alright," I said soothingly. "He's just knocked out." I looked up. "James, can you see how many of them there are?"

"It's hard to tell," he said, panting as he crawled towards us. "I can't look out long enough to be certain, but there are definitely at least thirty of them."

At this, the first years looked even more terrified. Some of them started crying.

"Don't worry," James said calmly. "There are a lot more of us than them."

The chubby girl looked at him, blue eyes wide and full of tears. "Is – is You-Know-Who out there?"

James and I exchanged a worried glance. If Voldemort _was_ there… It would be near impossible for us to defend the train and all the students without the Ministry or Dumbledore.

"Of course not, sweetie," I said, hiding my panic. "James, we need to take them to a compartment with older students."

He nodded, gathering the unconscious boy into his arms. "Follow us, you lot, and keep your heads low."

We left the compartment quickly and entered another a ways down the train. Alice, Dorcas and Marlene were inside with two Hufflepuff boys.

"Alice!" I cried, ushering the first years inside. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, hair falling into her face. "We managed to Stun two of the bastards."

"Excellent," James said grimly. "Two down."

"Yeah, with only a million more to go!" One of the Hufflepuff boys exclaimed wryly. "We need the Aurors, damn it! We can't fight them off alone for much longer."

"Shouldn't they know by now?" Dorcas cried as she sent a Stunning Spell. "We've been fighting for at least ten minutes, for God's sake!"

"That's the thing!" I said as I joined her at the window. "They _should_ know by now. James – your Patronus, you said Dumbledore would know!"

The words were barely out of my mouth when I heard a shout from outside the train.

"It's Dumbledore! And the Aurors!"

The first years, who had started crying during the course of our conversation, suddenly cheered.

"Dumbledore's here!"

The stream of spells sent towards us was waning and our attackers seemed to have decided to focus their attention on the rescue team.

"We can't keep firing spells from here!" Marlene shouted. "We might hit one of the Aurors. It's difficult to aim correctly."

James was already halfway out of the compartment. "Then we go there." He said determinedly.

I followed him and we jumped off the train, running towards the mass of people. Dumbledore was standing in the middle, his blue eyes sharp as he dueled five Death Eaters at once. James hadn't been far off in his estimate – there were around fifty of them.

As James and I joined the fray, it was clear that we weren't the only ones who had disembarked the train to fight. Alice, Marlene, Dorcas, and the Hufflepuffs had followed us outside. Sirius and Remus were fighting side by side. A group of prefects had joined the fight as well.

"And who is this pretty little red-head?" A sharp voice shrieked in my direction.

I whirled around to see a dark-haired woman. Her mask had come off in the fight. She would have been beautiful, were it not for the look of cruelty on her face. I fired a Stunner at her, but she deflected it easily with a wave of her wand.

"You think you can defeat me with such a simple spell, girl?" She cackled as a jet of green light went straight towards me. I dove to the ground, sending another Stunner. She dodged it effortlessly. I scrambled to my feet, firing a succession of hexes and casting Shield Charms. She deflected all my spells without difficulty, sending her own rapidly towards me. I was losing; she was far more skilled than I. With one final flick of her wand, I was sprawled on the ground again, my own wand lying a few feet away from me.

"Bye-bye, carrot top," she said mockingly, pointing her wand at my chest. "_Ava – "_

"_Stupefy!"_

She ducked, the spell just missing her. I took the opportunity to stand up and grab my wand.

"Well, if it isn't my little Gryffindor cousin! How delightful to see you again, Sirius dear."

Cousins?

"I'm afraid I can't say the same thing, Bella," Sirius said before sending a Stunner at her. I stared at him in disbelief. That woman was his infamous cousin, Bellatrix Black?

"You don't look so well. Married life with Rodolphus taking its toll on you, perhaps?"

She glared at him before shouting the Killing Curse. He dodged it with ease, grinning, which goaded her on. "I'm sorry you weren't sent an invitation. It was an, ah, _unfortunate_ oversight."

I opened my mouth, about to stun her.

"She's my cousin, Lily," Sirius said, his eyes never leaving his cousin. "It's my fight. Go help someone else."

I bit my lip, anxious. I didn't know whether Sirius could handle Bella on his own. But the sight of James and Remus dueling four Death Eaters themselves, not far behind Sirius, made me consent; and I ran towards them, leaving Sirius with his mad cousin.

Silently, I stunned one of the Death Eaters. He fell to the ground.

"Nice one, Lily!" James shouted as Remus took out another Death Eater who was surprised by his companion's fall. The three of us worked together against the remaining two. They were quick and ruthless, firing spell after spell at us.

I had just managed to avoid a Killing Curse when the two Death Eaters suddenly stiffened. With one last jet of light, they Disapparated, taking the bodies of their Stunned fellows with them. I whirled around. The field we had been fighting in was void of the masked figures. They had disappeared. I sighed as James and Remus caught me in a hug.

We had won this battle. But what had we lost in the process?

**-&-**

**A/N: Please tell me what you think! I'll post Chapter 5 as soon as I'm done with Chapter 6... Which probably won't be for a while, unless school gets suspended tomorrow because of this gigantic storm that's heading to my city. *crosses fingers***

**Reviews = awesome sauce. ;)**


	6. Cinq

**A/N: **Hereeeeee's Chapter 5! Thank you to the wonderful **MissJoline**, who Beta'd this chapter months ago. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to post it here. Please review and tell me what you think!

**-&-**

"Bloody cowards," Sirius spat as he walked over to us. "Left just when we were starting to kick their arses. I almost had Bella too."

James shook his head as we started walking towards Dumbledore. "How many did we get?"

"I think we managed to subdue nearly half of them. But most of them were taken along by the others when they Disapparated," Remus said slowly, scanning the field.

"Alas, Mr. Lupin is correct." We looked up to see Dumbledore, his blue eyes fiercely serious. "Fortunately some of the Aurors managed to hold on to a few Death Eaters. But the majority of them were able to escape."

"Why did it take so long for you lot to arrive?"

The blunt question had come from James. He looked furious.

Dumbledore sighed. "The Ministry is not what it used to be," he said distantly, as if unaware that he was speaking to us. "There are traitors and spies everywhere, in all places. And," he said in afterthought, "on both sides. If Mr. Potter hadn't sent me his Patronus, we might not have known about the ambush until it was too late."

He inclined his head towards James and I. "On that note, the two of you have done very well. I can see that the professors and I were not wrong in choosing the both of you as this year's Head students."

A smile found itself at the corners of my lips. I had wanted to be Head Girl the moment I received my Prefect's badge. To have the Headmaster tell me that I was worthy of the position was a real compliment.

"Albus," Professor McGonagall said, approaching us. "The headcount is finished."

"Number of wounded?"

"Fifteen. Eight of them students. Seven Aurors and Or – others who joined the fight."

"Nothing serious, I hope?"

"A few will be sent to St. Mungo's." She registered our presence for the first time. "Mr. Pettigrew's arm was broken, but a Healer has already seen to him."

James, Sirius, and Remus sighed in relief, glad that their friend wasn't fatally hurt.

There was a moment of silence before Dumbledore continued speaking. "And the number of the dead?"

I brought my hands to my mouth, anxiously awaiting McGonagall's words. I desperately clung to the hope that McGonagall would say that no one had died.

"Two Aurors... and four students."

"Who." I whispered, in a way that was more of a statement than a question.

"Two first years, Robert Wells of Ravenclaw, and…" She hesitated, looking at me. "Mary McDonald."

I sank to the ground, my head spinning. _Mary? _The girl who I had found crying on the Hogwarts Express my second year? The girl I had helped to find friends and who I tutored in Potions? The girl I still sat with during lunch sometimes? Mary… dead?

"Lily?"

I stared at the grass, hot tears starting to pool in my eyes. "She – She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to be with her parents."

"Ms. McDonald ran away from home in order to go back to Hogwarts," McGonagall said gently. "Like you, she left the train to fight the Death Eaters head-on."

"Do – do you know who killed her?" Remus asked. I looked up to see McGonagall and Dumbledore exchange a glance.

"A friend of hers was there with her when it happened." This time she glanced at Sirius before answering. "They were dueling Bellatrix Lestrange."

My eyes flew to Sirius immediately. His face was impassive, but I could see the storm raging behind his grey eyes. I couldn't imagine how he felt; knowing that someone from his family just killed a girl from his own House.

McGonagall murmured something to Dumbledore, eyeing the four of us worriedly. Dumbledore nodded, clasping his hands behind his back.

"My condolences to you, Ms. Evans," he said, bending over and placing his hand on my shoulder. "I know you and Ms. McDonald were close."

"Thank you," I whispered, still in shock.

"If you will return to the Hogwarts Express," Dumbledore continued, straightening, "The train has been repaired and a group of Aurors will be accompanying you the rest of the way to Hogwarts. Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, I would appreciate it if you reassured the other students and see to it that everyone is comfortable. Professor McGonagall and I will meet you at the castle."

"Yes, Professor."

James offered me his hand. I grabbed it, and he pulled me up. Putting his arm around me, we turned back to the Hogwarts Express, followed by Remus and Sirius.

"Mr. Black," Dumbledore called. I felt Sirius stiffen to my left. "Do not blame yourself. We cannot help who we are related to; no one will judge you for the actions of your family."

Silence.

"They are not my family." Sirius' voice was hard.

Without another word, he stalked off to the train. Remus exchanged a glance with James before hurrying after him. James kept his arm on my shoulder as we walked.

"If you want, you can just stay in the Head's Compartment or with Alice while I talk to the Prefects and patrol," he said.

I shook my head. "No. I'm needed to do my duties now more than ever."

"Alright." He was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry about Mary. I wasn't particularly close to her, but she seemed like a good person."

"She was great," I heard myself saying. "I was her first friend here. A lot of people didn't want to be her friend because they thought she acted superior, but she was actually just really shy. Once you got to know her, though, she was one of the best friends you could ever have."

"I'm sorry I didn't get to know her."

"She would have liked you. You two are kind of similar – helpful, loyal, friendly."

"You really think I'm all of that?" he asked, laughing a little.

I had to smile. "You are to those who aren't Slytherin."

He grinned. "Point taken."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Your Patronus is beautiful."

"Thanks," he laughed. "The manly stag."

"It fits you. Proud, mighty, intimidating."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment."

I smiled. Hesitating, I asked, "How – how did your Patronus let Dumbledore know that we were in trouble?"

He sighed. "My parents came up with it. I was trained to send a Patronus to Dumbledore or any other trusted person if I needed help."

"Your parents and Dumbledore know each other?"

"Very well," James replied, helping me up the train. "They're respected Aurors. They'll be worried when they find out about the ambush. I'll have to send them a letter as soon as I can."

He put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you're alright? I really don't mind doing it alone."

"I'm fine, James. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if I didn't do my duties."

He stared at me for a moment, then nodded.

"We should be meeting with the prefects now." I started walking in the direction of the Prefect's compartment.

"Lily?"

I looked at him curiously.

"If you ever need to talk…" He stuck his hands in his pockets. "I'm always here."

I smiled, and we walked in silence to the Prefect's Compartment.

**-&-**

**A/N:** I finished Chapter 6 yesterday. It still needs a bit of work, though. I am setting a deadline for myself: By the end of next week, you'll get Chapter 6. :)

Reviews are very much appreciated! :D


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